The GF goes away for 10 days, *shits going to get wild
* sleeps in middle of bed
When 8 wakes up in the middle of the night and comes looking for me, he’ll curl up next to me and sweetly say “mom, I found you!”. It’s difficult to be upset with him for waking me up.
Difficult, not impossible
You Might Also Like
Me: Damn dog is under the covers again!
Wife: No she’s not. She’s next to the bed.
Me: Might be time to shave your legs.
” I made my famous dip for the office party”
You’re a regular Abe Lincoln.
“But he wasn’t a chef”
Told my boss I would be turning in my badge and my gun. He said you work in IT, why do you have a gun.
If I knew you in high school and your Facebook profile picture is a baby I’ll assume you’re Benjamin Button and unfriend you.
Him: When I told you the chicken was good, I lied.
Me: That’s okay. I lied when I said it was chicken.
Whenever Becky says anything in the breakroom, I just say, “well, that got racist pretty fast” and walk out. I hate you so much, Becky.
Spiders have it about right.
If he doesn’t bring her a snack when he courts her it’s curtains..
Mugger: Give me your wallet!
Me: Back off! I know karate.
Me: Well, he called my bluff.
Doctor: You have lost a lot of blood.
Just bumped into Gloria Gaynor’s ghost!
At first I was afraid, I was petrified.