I’m starting to wonder if I really am the ideal size and weight to test the town catapult or if the other townsfolk simply don’t like me.
When a cop pulls you over for a DUI at 2am on Friday night & tells you to walk the line-it’s never good to start singing Johnny Cash songs.
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always carrying a megaphone in case you have to sigh at someone far away
Is it lovers quarrel or lover squirrel?
either way, couples therapy is going great
Me: I used to use baby oil so I’d fry faster in the sun, then of course the eventual peel and tan that followed
Satan: I honestly don’t know where you belong. You’re very insane.
*gave my child a coin to throw in a wishing fountain*
“What did you wish for?”
“I wished I could throw a coin in the fountain.”
“Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her butt!”
“DOCTOR PLEASE SHE IS CODING! NOW IS NOT THE TIME!”
tattoo: $500 but cooler
The only double penetrating I’ll ever do is eating the double stuff Oreo I just dropped into my coffee.
[To Police Sketch Artist]
Me: “Black female…
Curvy but not fat. Athletic, I guess…
Good sense of humor…
No kids — no divorcees either. Umm.. Must like dogs?…”
Me: “Why have you stopped drawing?”
Me trying to reach for my goals