When a grammar Nazi gets sad give them a hug and say “There, their, they’re.”

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“Doesn’t it feel good to Payless?” no, i want to be rich & shop at good stores


My 2yr old pointed at my crotch and said, “Big pee pee!” I’m taking him with me everywhere I go from now on.


Fact: mongooses are super fast and agile and are well known to be dangerous to cobra kai students.


4 out of 5 dead husbands agree that last casserole tasted really strange.


My forgiveness comes with the price of never forgetting.


People often talk about having the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. For me it’s more like Spock and Homer Simpson.


Accidentally fell asleep smoking an e-cigarette and when I woke up my whole house was on the internet.


Don’t let that “Metalica” t-shirt fool you. She knows every word to Miley Cyrus’ “Wrecking Ball”


My 3 year old reported seeing a spider-cricket and I couldn’t find it so we’re outside watching the house burn.


Cling wrap is for people who want to save food but also wrestle a bear.