When attempting to make a good first impression imagine how important good grammar is. Wrong. Importanter.

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I’ve never seen a chameleon. Good job, chameleons.


Not to be a Scrooge, but if you play or even hum along with Christmas music before December 10, you should be sent to a concentration camp.


I finally opened the condom in my wallet and it had a beard.


Evening News is where they begin with ‘Good Evening’ and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.


Following the leaking of nude photo’s of Kim Kardashian, her personal assistant has been sacked for the delay.


Sweat pants & Uggs in public says “and I didn’t brush my teeth, either.”