@TheTweetOfGod

When CNN says they’re “breaking news” they are, in a sense, right.

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@dudehugs

TUPAC IS DEAD
BIGGIE IS DEAD
AND ME ALSO I AM FEELING NOT SO GOOD

@EdnaSugar

There’s way too much blood in my alcohol system today

@AnkCoupleTO

I tattooed the word “WINNER” on my forehead in case I meet anyone new and they have any doubts

@beefman138

What’s your stance on public intoxication?

Mine is very wobbly.

@tommy_charm

The only thing keeping most of you from having a great dating life is…

Your spouse 🤷

@mommajessiec

Me, in my teens: *tries a new hobby*

Me, in my 20s: *tries a new career*

Me, in my 30s: *tries a new burner on my stove*