MEET ME AT THE PLACE NEXT TO THE THING GO NOW DO NOT ASK ANY QUESTIONS
When I left for work this morning, the dog begged me to stay and the cat handed me my keys.
You Might Also Like
Last night my mom made dinner, serving up a nice plate of “You had so much potential” with a steaming side of “You shoulda married Jeff.”
“Sorry my phone died”
-something I’ve said 5,326 times but it’s never actually happened
The fact that we don’t use towels to dry towels makes me question the value of towels.
Him: What’s your sign?
A death metal song about an Excel spreadsheet not doing what I want.
I, too, am shocked Ted Cruz has had sex. I just assumed his kids were born when he ate after midnight and got wet like in the movie Gremlins
“Snowmageddon”? We can do better, Twitter.
You ever randomly hear your mom singing ‘Candy Shop’ and then die a little inside?
“I think we should spend some time apart”
“Ok that was enough time”