@UncleDuke1969
@jonnysun 4 out of 5 dentists agree u should not be going to 5 diferent dentists. it is important to have one dentist who knows ur dental history
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@jonnysun 
@jakob_huber The worst part of Aquaman’s day is when he has to kill time on land for half an hour after eating a meal.
@dadinabearsuit House is clean. Time to sell the children and move.
@_SetTheHook_ Just looked in my 8 yr old son’s bedroom and I’m pretty sure it can’t be ruled out that the Malaysian jet may be in there somewhere.
@amishschool Wife said I should talk to the kids about drugs so I told them how faking a back injury would usually get you some Vicodin.
@funnybeachgirl Just saw a Fiat & a Mini Cooper get into a head on collision. It was horrible… there was glitter everywhere.
@ericsshadow “GO TO YOUR ROOM AND STAY THERE”
KID: *goes kicking and screaming*
TEEN: You can’t do this, I have plans tonight
ADULT: Thank you so much
@TheIronSherk Raspberry buy guitar
Raspberry take lessons
Raspberry answer ad
Raspberry show up at drummer’s house
Raspberry plug in
Raspberry Jam
@Godhatespants Just heard a 15 year old call an autobiography a word selfie
*points finger gun at mouth*
*pulls trigger*
@FilmsWeWant Batman V Superman 2:
Both men agree their last battle was too destructive
They settle their differences by playing Uno
Loser leaves earth