“I just figured the ‘H’ was broken on your sign”
Nope, this is what I sell here. Now how many Doug nuts do you want?
When I see a parked car with the stick figure family on it, I move the husband over and put my studly stick figure next to the wife.
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“who in your opinion is the greatest football player of all time?”
Me – [say a real name say a real name] “Football Man”
My wife must be the slowest reader ever.
I bought her a Kindle last Christmas and she still hasn’t finished it.
A brother from my ward really ticked me off this week, so I made sure to get my family to church early and take the pew his family usually sits in.
Fight Club but it’s just 19 and 16 duking it out over who takes “their” car—the one neither of them paid for
I’m so much like a noodle when I shower. sit in hot water for 7-8 minutes and become soft, squishy, and delicious afterwards
If I had a parrot I’d teach it to say “I know where they buried the bodies”
For valentine’s day, I’m taking my wife to see “50 Shades”.
How long is the movie? I need to know what time to pick her up.
“I < 3 You” means I’m smaller than 3 of you.
I AM NOT REALLY YELLING AT YOU I JUST GOT USED TO TALKING TO MY TEENAGER WHO ALWAYS HAS HEADPHONES IN