when im eating a salad and some leaf stems are sticking out of my mouth i feel like a brontosaurus
You Might Also Like
walked in on my grandma petting my dogs head whispering “you’re so lucky to be illiterate”
Him: If they ask you any questions, just play stupid. You know nothing….
Me: Oh, I think I can handle that.
All I ask is to be buried with a walkie talkie, just in case.
Always love it when Members of Congress say they disagree w/ intel community’s analysis. Like having your plumber review your root canal.
Me: Alexa, why can’t I ever get a guy to stick around?
Alexa: *shows a montage of me staring at my phone since 2010.
Can’t believe my daughter said I was embarrassing her by trying to be cool. She needs to check the tude & stop being so wiggity wiggity wack
only baby boomers will get this:
*pension*
I’m “Since when did it become unacceptable for your socks to show” years old.
NOT NOW MOM I’M ASKING MEN ON THE INTERNET WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE INSUFFERABLE