Families that do Christmas card photo shoots months before Christmas have the organizational skills of high-level Nazis.
When life handed Chuck Norris lemons, he made chocolate pudding.
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*removing hair clog from drain*
Well wookiee here
Me: What’s wrong?
Me: Grabs shield and sword
God never healed my dyslexia so I’m looking for new religion. Please send some pamphlets. And tell Rudolph hey.
Michaelangelo: Yea, sure, I’ll paint your ceiling.
Errybody gon be naked tho.
Just saw my parents having sex. That’s the last time I go onto that website.
“Snitches get stitches”
Cute little rhyme..
However I believe,
“Snitches never wake up again”
is more likely to deter snitching…
Hey, Honey, I bought you this Peloton bike for Christmas!
Oh, you don’t need a knife, the box is easy to open.
Babe, you definitely don’t need two knives…..
Our elf hasn’t moved in 4 nights. Daughter asked if he was in a coma
Local pub has a new special drink. The house lager infused with nitrous oxide. Yeah. They call it the Brew Haha.
I understand. It’s been nice knowing you.