When you have mixed feelings about bathtime

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I have good news & bad news
“bad news 1st”
I died youre talking to a ghost
“OMG & the good news?”
I broke the world record for eating bees


Valentine’s Day makes me realize how single I really am. But I’m still gonna sleep like a baby knowing I’m not getting cheated on.


For today’s Florida story, I bring you Michael Marolla, who was just arrested in Collier County with a live alligator in the bed of his pickup, two firearms, and multiple syringes loaded with meth.


You should never text and drive. All it takes is one moment of distraction and suddenly everyone in the group chat thinks you can’t spell.


We decided to name our unborn child something that represents where it was conceived.

Only 7 more months until baby Uber is born!


I’m the sort of person you can bring home to meet your parents, if you’re looking to be written out of their will.


Whats the point of calling it “secret Santa”? Everyone knows that the person who gave you the gift is Santa.


Eggnog is perfect for when you feel like drinking a glass of pancake batter.