@Im_Tricia

Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a paper bag over my mouth & once I’m done drinking the alcohol inside I feel a lot better.

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@TheHatdog

If you watch Scooby-Doo backwards its about some kids helping a business owner enter a costume contest then minding their own business.

@Elizasoul80

Winnie the Pooh is an addict who doesn’t wear pants and lives in the woods. If he were a person, he’d be the first suspect in every crime.

@Dawn_M_

If you carry a knife in your mouth, people wont ask you what your Valentines Day plans are.

@PinkCamoTO

It’s weird how many people at my office are named “Hey.”

@Lisabug74

I don’t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.

@_itspat_

My superpower is turning food and drink into larger pants.

@angeliav68

It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside…