Whenever someone tells me “make yourself at home” at their house, I always clog their toilet

You Might Also Like


“I’m quitting Twitter forever!”

This isn’t Twitter International Airport. You don’t need to announce your departure.


I see you’ve blocked me on all social media sites & moved house without leaving a forwarding address

Baby, does this mean we’re on a break?


When people say “To be honest…”, it means that up to that point they’ve been lying.


Santa Claus is the omicron superspreader


Who wants a serious blowjob? It’s like a normal blowjob but I’ll leave my glasses on.


FYI: Waterparks can’t call it a “lazy river” if they make you get out to pee.


Dear Milk of Magnesia manufacturers:

Please add : ‘Don’t trust a fart’ to your side effects label.



*stands up in the middle of a quiet library*