@IamEnidColeslaw
@daemonic3 It’s 4:20 do you know what that means?!?
It means only 40 minutes left to get 8 hours of work done.
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@daemonic3 
@LaLuchaNix I just watched Grease and it makes me sad how kids today are too lazy to buy matching leather jackets and smoke cigarettes.
@DrunksWithGuns I am a man with convictions.
Mostly because I have a really terrible lawyer.
@JennyJohnsonHi5 I posted “Happy Almost Mother’s Day!” on this chick I grew up with’s Facebook page, guess I was the only one who remembered her abortion.
@English_Channel this sky deity is putting off some real “nah, I’m good” energy
@causticbob Following the leaking of nude photo’s of Kim Kardashian, her personal assistant has been sacked for the delay.
@portmanteauface Power is like wine coolers. Both sound fun, but nobody drunk on either one has ever made a good decision
@kelkulus Women don’t consider it chivalrous when you open bathroom stall doors for them.
@achewave *pulls out earbud*
What?
“We need to talk.”
*pulls out earbud*
“You’ve been spending too much time at Chernobyl.”
*pulls out earbud*
No way
@TopherKearby We get it, Japan.
All of your cats can skateboard.