@NikiWithIssues

Who wants a serious blowjob? It’s like a normal blowjob but I’ll leave my glasses on.

You Might Also Like

@daemonic3

[1st date]

HER: I love the idea of marriage. What are your thoughts on it?

ME: [trying to impress her] I have 6 wives

@vineyille

[face pressed against the glass case in the butcher shop] This is a bad zoo

@Cryptoterra

someone is getting married down the street from me and their wedding geofilter works at my house

@bornmiserable

You know you’re on drugs when you’re talking to your kids about drugs and you don’t have any kids.

@J0hnnyBlaze

The word “beard” comes from an old Latin phrase meaning “sit on my face”

@TheRobCee

[stewardess]
“Sir, even if you ARE, as you say, the REAL Slim Shady- the captain has asked for all passengers to remain seated at this time”

@SteveKoehler22

Just got myself some new
memory foam shoes.

Maybe now I’ll remember
why I walked in the room.