Who were the kings of disco?
A) Gees
B) Gees
C) Gees
D) Gees
You Might Also Like
Murderer: what’s wrong?
Me: it really hurts
Murderer: oh sorry
*stabbing softens*
[at a party]
*taps wife’s shoulder*
I’ve looked everywhere…where are all the swings?
(wife pulls away from kissing Bob)
“What?”
i’ve always loved the phrase “when i wore a younger man’s clothes” from piano man. it’s such a poetic way of saying he stole a guy’s clothes
I arrived early at the restaurant last night. Do you mind waiting for a bit? The manager asked.
Not at all I replied.
Good, take these pizzas to table 6, he said.
Can’t believe a woman would grow a life inside of her for 9 months and then name it Ian.
UK rappers be like “I’ve got a posh flat and my bird is very comely, I own more motors than the marchioness of cholmondeley”
I was up way earlier than normal and I couldn’t find my cat. I walked around the neighborhood and found him being fed by a lady a few houses down. She had a different name for him and everything. He’s been living a double life. I feel so betrayed.
i dont know much about politics but have we ever tried turning a senator into a llama and teaming him up with a working guy to teach him empathy
Play monopoly on the first date so you know what you’re getting into
A confidential source has informed me that the earth is gonna hatch
[Last supper]
*breaks bread* This is my body
*pours wine* This is my blood
*plays Montell Jordan* THIS IS HOW WE DO IT
*Apostles go nuts*
No one is as glued to any piece of reading material as a parent counting down the songs in the program of a really boring school concert.
Tacos are NOT a good pre yoga snack.
I know this now.
Ok, I’ve joined #Mastodon but also this
My wife looks like the cats in those cucumber videos when she turns around & sees me naked.
BOB: My name spelled backwards is the same.
DAVE: Hahaha I’d be Evad.
LANA: Guys, can we play different game?
A macaron is just an oreo that studied abroad.
*gets a new lease on life*
*misses first payment*
*throws keys at nearest sober person*
DRIVE ME HOME PEASANT
Since the summer Olympics got postponed a year, that means I still have time to master ribbon gymnastics.
[Camping]
Her: You didn’t bring food?
Him: No
Her: Or toilet paper?
Him: Why would we need toilet paper if we don’t have food?
I have a sixth sense of humor. I laugh at dead people.
i love it when my pets sigh like what ails you my little unemployed freeloader
My oldest kid, watching Shrek again, but now being old enough to understand more of the jokes…
my landlord is angry because I put an entire suit of armor down the laundry chute again
Elephant: wow I’m huge, what do I eat?
God: peanuts
Elephant: what?
God: *remembering Mr. Peanut breaking up with him over text*
Elephant:
God: all of them
I know we are supposed to be worried about AI but I’ve been watching my Roomba throw itself off the stairs every single time I’ve ever used it I think we’re OK for a minute
I ordered a large pizza and before answering the door, I yelled, “Pizza is here,” so the delivery guy doesn’t think I’m eating a large all by myself.
I would argue that a small puppy is more work than a newborn baby because imagine if you had to pick up your son and run outside for him to poop in the yard every time he got a certain look in his eye and half the time all he did was attempt to eat every stick out there
I have a bit of an inferiority complex. But it’s not a very good one.