@geauxbraves

“Whoa there my friend, you need to leave me out of this, this ain’t got nothing to do with me.”
–The horse they rode in on

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@jctwritesstuff

Him: I’m head over heels for you, baby.

Me: So you’re like, standing?

@VerbsRProudest

Had my arms full of groceries, struggled to get my front door unlocked, & the door caught the back of my shoe & pulled it right off. I stumbled & dropped my groceries. Shoe stayed stuck outside my door. Worst remake of Cinderella ever.

@DevilryFun

Somedays I feel like running away.

Then I remember how much I hate running.

@CrisMtzgr

Sex but instead of moaning she yells YAAAAHAHAHOOOEEYYY like Goofy does evey time he falls

@Humor_Fetish

There are some people that, when you think about them, you just feel better. And that’s nice.

@LostCatDog

The 9-year-old in me thinks life is all about fun. But then I think, how long is it gonna take to digest this kid? I’m a huge python, btw.

@badbanana

Pandora has spoiled me. Five seconds into any conversation and I’m looking for the thumbs-down button.

@StevenKJohnson

Game of Thrones: Now with 100 percent more zombies! The Walking Dead should fire back by adding kingdoms.

@RobertManchild

[company meeting]

Manager: $5000 in office supplies have gone missing. We are making some changes.

Me: [in paper clip chainmail, sweating]