@Northerngent4

Whoever invented the boomerang had trouble letting go.

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@Mandiatrandom1

Forgot to do laundry again. I bet everyone at work is going to love my prom dress.

@Tbone7219

For most people when you lose your “khakis” you’ve lost your pants.

When you’re from Boston & lose your “khakis” you can’t start your car.

@justabloodygame

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Give Jesus a fish, and you and your family will eat nothing but that one fish for a lifetime.

@mattgallo123

Whoa whoa whoa, I thought that was OUR thing!

-me to my favorite cashier when she smiles at other customers

@whimsik_l

I carpool with a guy & we have officially run out of things to talk about. Today he commented on how well-made the road was. I agreed.

@jmabell

“I have a cure for your burning bush.” — Moses hitting on the ladies

@LurkAtHomeMom

Fun Fact: the average group of 4 yr olds can take up to 7 years to break open a piñata.

@brennadine

Hang on guys. My boyfriend told me not to be anxious, so I expect to feel better any moment.