@QueenVofCoffee

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend has clearly never worn leggings.

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@reesespiece_

Girls, your friends lied when they said chopping your hair off looked cute. They are just happy that their man wont want to bang you

@captainolya

My week is basically:
Monday
Monday #2
Monday #3
Monday #4
Friday
Saturday
Pre-Monday

@sfreeze6

Ouija boards are officially obsolete, now that the dead can read messages addressed to them on Facebook.

@theechantress

My gynecologist follows me on Instagram, I really do not know what else he wants to see.

@felixoshea

It’s a good thing I’m not Batman, because there’s NO WAY I would keep that shit secret.

@IamEnidColeslaw

my signature move is called “the Mouse,” where I run around the dance floor wearing nothing but a tampon

@JessObsess

Just slung my bra off & threw it to the other side of the couch where there are already 2 other bras. If my math is right, it’s Wednesday.