Whoever said “There is nothing as precious as a child’s laughter” obviously never fell down a flight of stairs in front of his kids.
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My husband keeps insisting we try 69, but I think we should keep the thermostat at 72 degrees this winter.
At my age, if the wife wants to have fun, scrabble is coming out.
Tour guides often say to me “that’s a great question,” but I like to dig deeper. What was the wow factor? Let’s spend some time on this.
Him: I bet you’re good in bed.
Me: Oh hell yeah I am. I sleep solid as a rock!
Yo son, do you like nachos?
“Hell yeah!”
*son goes in for high 5*
That’s good, ’cause I’m nacho real dad
*rejects high 5*
You’re adopted lol
Of course I’ve slept in the wet spot
My ex drooled like a Komodo dragon
dumbledore: you know what this spot needs
hogwarts gardener: rose bu-
dimbledore: a tree that kills students
hogwarts gardener: what
dumbledore: plant the death tree
I hope George Clooney dumps his wife so he and Brad Pitt can finally be happy together.
If you try to rip somebody’s head off, I suggest you train for it first. If you don’t succeed it makes the following few minutes awkward.
I still don’t understand why my boss didn’t like my idea of playing musical chairs at our next Monday meeting. He asked us for new ideas.