Who’s this “moderation” character people keep telling me to drink with?
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*Hums Every Breath You Take in grocery line
*Gets arrested for stalking 3 people
Organ harvesting really creeps me out, so I’m doing what I can to make mine unsalvageable.
I hate it when I see an old person and then realize we went to high school together
People keep tagging a random person instead of the incoming British prime minister and she’s rolling with it lol
Men come and go, cities rise and fall, whole civilizations appear and disappear but the one thing that remains steadfast is my teens unfailing attitude
If you’re not sure if a woman is pregnant or not, go ahead and ask her how far along she is in order to clear things up
*trips over an ice cube dropped on the floor*
Me: This is JUST like the Titanic!!
I can tell Spring is almost here because I’m on the verge of wanting to kill myself but I’d also like to plant some bulbs.
My running form could be described as “drunk woman slowly being chased by no one”
Is that a sweet potato in your pants, or are you just oddly shaped?