@Elifcello

Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I’d like to read a medication bottle and see “May cause extreme sexiness”.

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@shaztaberry

Daughter: dad Im a lesbian
Dad: Okay its cool
2nd daughter: dad I’m a lesbian too
Dad: Does ANYone in this family like guys?
Son: I do

@J_Dazzle76

If I ever go missing and theres a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at any gyms.

@9GAG

Always be yourself. Unless you can be Batman.. Then be Batman.

@Stexcy

If you’re a size 0 we shouldn’t be able to see you.

@itsBABYSMITH

sure sex is great but have you ever waved goodbye to houseguests

@weinerdog4life

The cops said 911 was for emegencies only and not for me to report suspicious looking clouds.

@NYC_Blonde

Mom: Wanna help gift rap?
Me: In West Philadelphia born and raised on the playgro– oh you mean WRAP? Nah homegirl you’re on your own.