Why are top brands getting more attention while your unique, innovative ideas stay underrated? Here is some #ThursdayAdwisdom. The truth is that you may be missing out on one of the most fundamental rules of selling – grabbing consumer’s interest. #digitalmarketing
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[movie night]
5: what should we watch?
Me: anything you want
5 [opens every movie case revealing Space Jam DVD inside] not again dad
Bear of bad news: Hey, sport. You might wanna be sitting down. Ready? Oh god how do I put this? I’m gonna have to maul the shit out of you.
[cow pushing 5 shopping carts out of store]
Ugh, why do I keep shopping for groceries on 4 empty stomachs
Me: there’s a swarm of beets outside
Her: you mean bees?
[loud thud on the window]
Me: get the gun
I’ve been Catholic for years and still have no idea which murders I should confess and which I should keep to myself.
Boy, was I disappointed when I found out canoodling doesn’t involve actual noodles.
doctor: have you thought about the diva cup?
me: listen i’m good but i don’t know that i could compete with other divas
Based on their level of excitement, bros in beer commercials seem unaware that you can pretty much buy beer anywhere.
The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window.. mind your business.
So, my wife did NOT appreciate her Yelp review…
I’ve been asked to stop using “finger-licking good” as an adjective at work.
Must be a covid thing.
Running your mouth is not cardio.
Shoulder devil: Do it! Do it!
Shoulder angel:
Shoulder devil: Oh he long gone
“You told me to chill out, not to stop punching the chair.”
– My 6yo reminding his Dad why it’s important to be specific with kids.
HOW MANY ANTS HAVE YOU HAD TONIGHT, SIR?
I want to be financially secure enough to pass up a dime lying in a parking lot. Like “I’ll leave that for someone who needs it”
Hold me like a guy holds a fish in his tinder pics, baby
[at the park]
SON: dad dad what’s that in the sky?! (points at helicopter)ME: (forgetting the word helicopter) that son is……a blenderplane
People are so nosy, always asking me what I just injected into their neck. Don’t worry about it!
Oh well….there’s always tomorrow!
#hopespringseternal
“Mommy never mind I’ll ask you later when you’re not scooping the phone out of the toilet.”
– My current favorite child
If somebody my age is out past 11 PM they just got off the second shift at work.
911: Ma’am the emails are coming from your garden! Get out of the yard now!! A botanist is on the way!
Spinach: *laughs maniacally*
Me: *points at romantic relationships*
God: *slaps my hand* NO
I feel like people are in such a hurry these days, that there isn’t enough moseying happening anymore. Dont even get me started on sauntering and lollygagging.
I like to pack a healthy lunch for work so that by 3 p.m. I’m ready to do unspeakable things for a piece of chocolate.
The most unrealistic part of The X Files was how no one got called into a budget meeting. It’s a government agency for crying out loud
Curious George Turns Off Google Image Safe Search
I accidentally dropped my ID as I was showing it to the cashier at the liquor store. I bent down to pick it up and I must have made one of those old people grunts you make when getting off the couch because he said, “you’re good” before I even got to show it to him.
I still can’t believe Jesus was born on Christmas Day I mean what are the odds