Why do people assume I know all about computers just because I’m from India? That makes so I angry I just want to 01010010101010101010101

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When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.


Remember kids, you only burn in hell if you are religious.


[God creating the raccoon]
God: make it cute with a lil mask
Angel: haha aw okay
God: also make it eat trash


1) Get telegram from Mae
2) Wait to respond. Don’t be desperate
3) Get telegram that Mae died of dysentery while waiting


wordle is a big pharma conspiracy to sell us more ibuprofen


Parent Fact: Sugar makes kids crazy.

Grandparent Fact: Vengeance is mine.


Smartphone owners are the bravest. They’re not afraid of anything not even death.
They can walk into any running truck without giving a damn


i’m no stephen hawking but i think
what happens is that they cancel
each other out


Sweep her off her feet, but not like the bad guy from Karate Kid.