What is the best nickname for a nun in heaven?
If you guessed “Heaven nun” or “Angel nun” you’re wrong.
The answer was “Nun of the Above”.
Why do people say tunafish, rather than just tuna?
Is that to differentiate from the tunacow and tunagiraffe?
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I ate an entire box of delicious Triscuit crackers, and 8 hours later gave birth to a wicker chair.
Please stop throwing my only possession.
*feels sad that my kids aren’t babies anymore*
*sees look of exhausted despair in baby’s parents eyes*
Trainer: “ok, lets warm up 1st….wait, where are you going!?”
Me: “tanning bed”
The way my reading glasses fog up as I drain the spaghetti water into a colander over the sink…is this passion? I feel like this is passion
*fakes headache to get out of work*
*updates resume with “proficient at adapting previously learned skills to new tasks”*
Sorry I declined your Facebook friend request, but I can’t have those sideburns popping up in my news feed unannounced.
Guess who went all day without dropping food on her shirt?
Not me, but I’m sure somebody somewhere did.