@MaryKoCo

Why do zombies all have such shitty clothes?! It’s like you JUST died, how did you mess up your shirt that bad

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@SavageDabs69

People say I have the legs of a dancer. But until they find the rest of the body, the cops have nothing on me, man!

@Lynseyjo1

To the girl with the nazi swastika avi that just rt’d me…… You just rt’d a Jew!!!! Enjoy your evening shalom

@PajamaStew

A reverse tornado appears. It roars toward you, the angry funnel cloud planting a row of small red houses, one car landing in front of each. Then a park is scribbled into existence circled by a pleasant tree-lined pathway. As it passes over you, it places a nice hat on your head.

@Lisa_Laughs_

I’m not sure, but if I died in your arms tonight, that makes you a suspect. At the very least.

@UnFitz

Her: You secretly think you’re the most clever one in the room, don’t you.

Me: Secretly? No.

@NikkiGlaser

Social experiments where skinny people wear fat suits teach us to be nicer to fat people because it might be a skinny person in a fat suit.