why does half of Twitter think they’re going to lead a communist uprising when they’re too scared to order pizza on the phone
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My husband and I just met with our financial advisor. Our new retirement plan is to disband, marry much older, wealthier spouses and kind of just wait it out.
10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary:
1) There are 1’s and 0’s
10) There are no 2’s
Just think, if Aristotle would have been a cow, today we’d all be studying meadowphysics.
jurisprudence- an accused is innocent until proven guilty.
media- an accused is guilty until proven innocent.
colony aunty’s principle- guilty after proven innocent too.
Seagulls are when the sea clenches its pelvic floor
*puts bread in toaster* hmm something strange about the toaster today
Duck(from in toaster): no there isnt
I’m sorry your tc cheated on you with their spouse, will you please stop writing poems now
Keep your friends close and your fat friends closer, because snacks.
Walk into a random building, go to a random floor, step into a random meeting, and take a donut. Best donut you’ll ever eat.
every college guy’s fridge
