@OINKimmaPIG
@OkieGirl405 Roses are red
Violets are blue
Meet me in bed
To learn something newPfff….poetry is easy
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@OkieGirl405 
@GoneFishingYo In the near future, little old ladies won’t know how to sew, knit, or quilt, but they’ll take awesome self-pics in bathroom mirrors.
@Cheeseboy22 Sometimes when I’m sitting in a swivel chair, I’ll turn around quickly and smile and pretend I’m in the opening credits of a sitcom
@JaySuch When I see someone texting and driving I swerve my car into them and try to run them off the road cause texting and driving is illegal.
@QwertyJones3 HER: I’ll only agree to do nudity if it’s done tastefully
PRIEST: And I understand the groom has also written his own vows
@TheAlexNevil I was cleaning one of my finger guns and accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
@MadGamer79 It’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.
@BlindChow COP: do you know why I pulled you over?
ME: *furiously trying to swallow a mouthful of mattress tag stickers* no
@CarpentersCrack I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.
@MarkBuckawicki Just telling everybody I meet that I’m a Viking, nobody checks