@MrSpoonicorn

why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo. who has hair on their shoulders. whos shampooing their shoulder hair. please come forward

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@koviebiakolo

lmao i hate nyc corner dudes so much. rushing out this am to to the subway, I have on a big yellow (faux) fur coat…tell me why this dude yelled out, “go ahead big bird, looking fly!” 😂😭🐥

@WilliamAder

I love how Presidents will pardon a turkey and then eat a different turkey.

@noog

#WhatMostWomenWant A man with a vibrating penis.

@jasomnambulism

Secretly hoping my ex will call or text one day, just so I can reply, ‘Who’s this?’

@atthecubicle

Just tested the structural integrity of a door frame with my face. It’s pretty solid.

@PanettaSexyTime

I’ve decided that bringing a condom to a gunfight wasn’t the smartest choice for protection.