@OtherDanOBrien

Why yes, YouTube, I *did* want to watch part 5 when part 2 ended. How did you know?

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@NapVeg

turns out im not nearly mature enough to hang out with someone named titi

@No_tact_here

The grass is fuckin greener wherever you water it…….

….idiot….

@onion_an

[looking up at bird sitting in a tree whilst on 1st date]
“I didn’t know birds could climb trees”

@Brianhopecomedy

Glad the lady in front of me decided at the last second to stop at the yellow light as I prefer to eat my fries from the dashboard.

@CandyCrisis

Captain Hook hated Paper Scissors Rock since he could only play Question Mark, which had no value in the game.

@Tommytoughstuff

“Have a seat”
*Turns on video of son eating pizza with a fork and knife.*
“Dad I…” **Dad puts up hand* “Please don’t call me that.”

@Thynebear

[In Court]

Does the Defense have any last words?

*defense rises* DE-FENSE

*Judge holds up picket fence*

DE-FENSE

*Jury starts The Wave*

@scot7a

ONLINE QUIZ: “According to your answers, the Sorting Hat says you are a: —HUFFLEPUFF—”

BIG BAD WOLF: Whaaaaaat?? That has to be the stupidest thi– oooh, I get it…