@KeithSantagato

#WhyDoPeopleThinkItsOkayTo replace letters in words with numbers….well now i don’t feel like reading the math equation you just sent me

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@tazsme

There should be an “oh my god, shut up already” button.

@weinerdog4life

Keanu Reeves watching a Keanu Reeves movie trying to figure out how he’s in two places at once.

@KeetPotato

how to beat an egg:
– literally pick any game you want, they dont even have hands

@iscoff

Every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings. It’s always the same angel. It’s covered in wings now and wants to die but can’t

@michimama75

5: I’m bad at this puzzle

Me: you’re trying your best! Mommy has a hard time with that one too!

5: yeah, because you’re bad at it

@DartsBofficial

I’m going to make a secret pornography organization called The Illuminaughty.

@themorris23

To all the “cougars” out there, shame on you for not calling yourselves “Thundercats” shame. on. you.

@JennyJohnsonHi5

My stepson and his friend are driving around in my car. If he wrecks it, I have insurance. If he plays Nickelback in it, I’ll murder him.

@LouisPeitzman

This is probably going to sound really gay, but the sunset is GORGEOUS right now and I love making out with dudes.