I’ll put a comma, after a comma, even if it doesn’t need a comma, to completely, drive you, insane.
Wife: *banging on bedroom door* I know about you and the murder
Me: oh shit
Crows: *in bed with me* finally we can be together
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Boss: This is the third time you’ve been late for work this week. Do you know what that means?
Me: That it’s only Wednesday
NORTH CAROLINA:We believe in family values.
ME:Like Disney movies?
ME:Like Mulan, where a cross dresser saves China?
My wife is getting rid of all the clutter. If you see the kids and me standing out by the street, it means we didn’t make the cut this year.
I just want to meet a man the old fashioned way: While being exchanged for livestock.
Ok so my grandmother is going on holiday on Friday, wants me to water her plants while she’s away & should never use emojis.
Is there anything less intimidating than a cop on a bicycle?
Wobble on, agent of justice, wobble on.
[First day as Narrator]
Me: So, I just say the opposite of what the speaker said? I can handle that.
Narrator Trainer: But he could not.
My CW just barked.
Ok, it may have been a burp, but I’d like him a lot more if he were turning into a dog, so I think he barked.
When you have a clap light in your bedroom, rough sex also becomes a rave.