*wife & I finally look up from our phones after 9 months*

“Have you had the kid yet?”
“Well, I’m level 77 on candy crush.”

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Whenever I get sick, I get my immune system drunk so it will fight anything.


That moment of panic when you realize you haven’t checked on your Farmville in like 6 years


I know how to pronounce worcestershire until I see it written.


Alice: *falls into the rabbit hole*



If video games taught me anything it’s that you don’t need to work because there’s precious gems just laying around everywhere.



What’s your greatest weakness?

ME: Probably avoiding tough questions

Can you elaborate on that?

ME: Oh hey look at the time!


I just spent 15 minutes searching for my phone in my room, using my phone as a flashlight…


this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don’t know who’s winning