@ultrakristian Whenever I get sick, I get my immune system drunk so it will fight anything.
@josephknuckles *wife & I finally look up from our phones after 9 months*
“Have you had the kid yet?”
-No
“Well, I’m level 77 on candy crush.”
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@ultrakristian 
@chris_witha_see That moment of panic when you realize you haven’t checked on your Farmville in like 6 years
@1evilidiot I know how to pronounce worcestershire until I see it written.
@Mom_Overboard Alice: *falls into the rabbit hole*
White Rabbit: WROOOOOONG HOOOOOOOLE
@UNDEADTRESOR If video games taught me anything it’s that you don’t need to work because there’s precious gems just laying around everywhere.
@jesus 33, Male, Jerusalem. You?
@daemonic3 [interview]
What’s your greatest weakness?
ME: Probably avoiding tough questions
Can you elaborate on that?
ME: Oh hey look at the time!
@AndrewProTV I just spent 15 minutes searching for my phone in my room, using my phone as a flashlight…
@ch000ch this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don’t know who’s winning
@adrianbliss The first matador