@josephknuckles

*wife & I finally look up from our phones after 9 months*

“Have you had the kid yet?”
-No
“Well, I’m level 77 on candy crush.”

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@ultrakristian

Whenever I get sick, I get my immune system drunk so it will fight anything.

@chris_witha_see

That moment of panic when you realize you haven’t checked on your Farmville in like 6 years

@1evilidiot

I know how to pronounce worcestershire until I see it written.

@Mom_Overboard

Alice: *falls into the rabbit hole*

White Rabbit: WROOOOOONG HOOOOOOOLE

@UNDEADTRESOR

If video games taught me anything it’s that you don’t need to work because there’s precious gems just laying around everywhere.

@daemonic3

[interview]

What’s your greatest weakness?

ME: Probably avoiding tough questions

Can you elaborate on that?

ME: Oh hey look at the time!

@AndrewProTV

I just spent 15 minutes searching for my phone in my room, using my phone as a flashlight…

@ch000ch

this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don’t know who’s winning