
Waterbeds are for people who want to get sea sick at home.
Wifey put some girly glitter soap in the bathroom. This morning I look like I either just came from the strip club, or showered with Ke$ha.
Waterbeds are for people who want to get sea sick at home.
Congrats to the person that invented the wobbly restaurant table. It’s basically everywhere now.
(Don’t let her know you can’t read)
Yes I’ll have this
*points to menu*
-So you want the gratuity of 15% added to parties of 8 or more?
Shit
*driving home*
Me: I spy something gray.
4yo: Your hair!
Me:…
4yo:…
Me: I spy something adopted.
This “violence in the workplace” seminar is only teaching us what we shouldn’t do. No fighting techniques or anything.
How’d you get a black eye?
Walked into a door.
[Later, another shiner]
More doors?
*nods*
One does not simply walk into more doors.
Apparently the maximum number of times you can keep getting back in line for Communion wafers is 4.
Me: I made a perfect napping spot just for you
My cat: no thank you, I would rather be uncomfortable than do anything you suggest
[Blue whale documentary]
This monster can eat 40 million fish in a day.Whale looking directly into the camera: Yeah I’m kind of a foodie.
My 10 year old just told his friend I’m cranky cus I have my “pyramid”.