Wild horses could easily drag me away.
Probably a good sized dog or motivated cat could do the trick.
A big bunch of gerbils, maybe.
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My 3-year-old gave me a sticker for behaving myself in public. She’s doing a good job of raising her parents.
boat question
Costco is the only place that you can walk out with a Kayak, twenty pounds of meat, jeans, ten bottles of sun lotion and not look ridiculous
Do people who go to stores on Black Friday know that if you anger your entire family, you don’t have to buy holiday gifts?
oh that’s just my emotional support rolled up carpet in the trunk, officer
barista: name for the latte?
me: it’s Zach with an “h”
*two minutes later*
barista: i’ve got a latte for Hach
MOM: Goodnight. Sleep tight. Don’t let the bedbugs bite.
ME: I’d like to see them TRY *slowly pulls katana from beneath pillow*
I wonder if my heating pad thinks I’m cheating on it when I sleep with my electric blanket.
Whaaa? You taste brides? RT MatrooKiBijlee: Bridal tasting was a success! The only thing I regret is not taking pictures. But still….”
The ‘theme’ of every theme park is the need for more effective birth control.