Wile E. Coyote’s Amazon reviews of Acme products are pretty scathing.

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If I am wearing red lipstick you can be sure I have one thing on my mind..

I hope I don’t have any on my teeth.


Parents love telling you that you should date that person you haven’t seen or thought about for 10 years


My new boss just described me as “dramatic but not problematic” and I’ve never felt more understood in my life


The rejected Spice Girl, Pumpkin, sobs outside the studio.
Little does she know that in 20 years their fans will love her the most.


Now’s a good time to change your facebook name to “Nobody,” so when you click like on ignorant statuses it says, “Nobody likes this.”


Canadians are not always nice, especially if your son pisses on their snowman.


When you’re in the hospital on morphine, a fun game to play is “were my eyes closed for 20 seconds or 2 hours”


H. P. Lovecraft implies the existence of H. P. Livecraft and H. P. Laughcraft


Hubby: If you could sleep with one of my frien…
Me: Frank
H: nd’s bedroom style decor
M: …
H: …
M: …
H: So you like shabby chic?