New comic up. “Ransom”
Will smith literally runs in every movie. Name one movie he didn’t run in. I’ll wait
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If you think you’re having a bad morning, my son is crying because his sock doesn’t feel right.
are those elderberries?
[camera pans over to reveal a bunch of berries struggling to use the internet]
*16 calls me at office*
16: Are you stopping at the grocery store tonight?
16: You’re out of beer
Me: Ok I will, what do you want?
BISON DAD: good bye, son.
BISON SON: thank you, dad.
The way I see it, the only thing my daughter’s little “boyfriend” needs to know about me is I ain’t afraid to go back to prison.
why was 6 mad when 7 won her a stuffed elephant? because 7 1 1 4 9 2
DAVE: We’re having a baby
ME: [suspicious that Dave is a seahorse] Looking forward to the birth, Dave?
It’s freedom of expression.
Grocery Store Manager: sir you were holding a potato in a tiny cage and threatening the store potatoes
Personal trainer: So what’s your goal?
Me: I wanna look good in pictures that I’m not taking myself!!