With inflation, it would be Mambo No. 6.59 in 2013
You Might Also Like
i just saw a black girl rt one of those teenage girl accounts saying “i honestly wish I was a teen in the 50’s”………. no u don’t
I live in a high crime neighbourhood if you count socks with sandals.
Dear Facebook, it has come to our attention that some of you are posting new jokes. Please remember that all jokes must be submitted to twitter at least 3 years in advance
A man fought off a polar bear yesterday using only his cell phone… it was probably a blackberry. The bear was so disgusted he just left.
Venus and Serena are famous for being Tennis-y Williams
Hey cell phone companies who play smooth jazz hold music hoping I’ll lose interest and give up: yeah, it’s kinda working
If you made her sweat, sweat till she can’t sweat no more, perhaps you should have taken a water break. Dehydration is dangerous.
My girlfriend said we should each pick a “hall pass”, just in case we ever met that person. I chose Kate Upton and she chose her roommate Connor
My daughter has created a new game show where she puts her shoes all over the house and then asks us where they are
Gf: *holding my secret second phone* what the hell is this for
Me: *uses it so my screen time doesn’t say 19 hours a day* cheating
The funniest part about The Bachelor is the participants actually think being married is a prize.
5 yo: Mommy, did you eat my donut?
Me: No
Husband: Why does he think you would eat his donut?
Me: Because he’s met me
UK, 2019 – “FREE BROADBAND FOR ALL”
UK, 2020 –
If every day is a gift, I’m going to return some of them. Store credit is fine.
Me: A gentleman never kisses and tells
Wife: Who. Was. She
Costco is the only place that you can walk out with a Kayak, twenty pounds of meat, jeans, ten bottles of sun lotion and not look ridiculous
Obamacare? More like “Obama? I don’t care for that guy!!!” Honk if you want poor people to die
still thinking about the time my bf told me I was “boring and unoriginal,” and the only thing I could respond with was “no, YOU’RE boring and unoriginal”
Last semester a student asked me why I hadn’t graded their paper.
I said the paper was flagged as having ChatGPT generated content & wasn’t sure how to proceed.
Student said they didn’t use ChatGPT; it must have been their friend who wrote the paper for them.
🫠
Me: when can I start trusting news on social media again?
Them: April fools ends midday
Me: April fools?
As my dog lovingly stares at me as I’m buzzed out on cold meds, I wonder if he can drive a stick shift and go get me some Doritos.
a wizard dating app called bumbledore
When someone tries to tell me they can’t do something, I’m like “you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?”
“A room in motion will stay in motion until you sober up.”
~Newton’s little known fourth law of motion
I hear all these Trump supporters saying they support him because he speaks his mind. Well you know who else speaks his mind? My 4 year old.
A cell phone with a low battery is nothing more than a damn-cell in distress
And y’all thought 2020 was going to be the worst year
SON: but I want to see my friend!
ME: buddy, I’m sorry. It’s not great right now. Mommy and Daddy can’t see our friends either.
SON: … you guys have friends?
My husband’s parenting style is to menacingly say “Yeah!” after everything I say when I reprimand the kids.
KILLER: I’M GONNA CATCH YOU
ME: YOU’LL NEVER CA- [stops running to pet a dog]