With subpar graphics and absolutely no plot, TurboTax is, hands down, the worst video game I have ever played ⭐⭐
![]()
You Might Also Like
[1773]
“Your majesty, last night some angry colonists dumped our tea into the Boston Harbor”
*three English ladies faint*
WTF THIS MEANS WAR
Baseball is weird in that you directly supply to your opponent the opportunity to score against you
[100 degree summer day]
me: this is so nice, I’ve got the AC running, TV and a pizza
people who love camping: ok, hear me out
one of my fav things about friendships is that when they start, you send memes by saying “i thought you’d like this one” and they respond by saying “i really do, thank you!” and eventually that grows into you just being like “yooOOOAKSLDJS” and them just being like “HOLyyOmfnfnf”
Asked my dad and uncle why they weren’t chatting and my uncle goes “we’re done chatting for today” and my dad nods and they continue watching tv in silence
Hey rappers, if you have to keep reintroducing yourself then you’re not a very good rapper.
DRACULA: [bites me]
ME: Oh shit, am I vampire now?
DRACULA: Yes.
ME: Forever?
DRACULA: No, we’re only creating limited-term adjunct vampires due to budget cuts.
ME: Oh okay. Any chance it becomes permanen—
DRACULA: No. Now get in this coffin you share with 20 other vampires.
I asked my boyfriend “How pretty am I on a scale from 9.5-10?”
Whoever named frogs got it 100% right. Those things are frogs
I gotta say, I’ve never been in an Uber with red and blue lights!
Also, I don’t remember calling for one…
“I’m hungry” Fridge: “I got nothin.” Cabinet: “Bitch, don’t look at me.” Freezer: “LOL. You like ice?”
*cop approaches me*
“have u seen this girl?”
*holds up photo*
“yeah I’ve seen her, NAKED”
*hi-5*
“haha but seriously shes in my trunk”
My friend got stung by a jellyfish so I took a massive shit on his leg & he forgot all about the jellyfish.
coworker: what do u think happens after we die
me: when I die, nothing
coworker: what about when I die
me: I get arrested
Chinese takeaway – £17
Delivery charge – £1
Realising the idiots have forgot one of your containers – Riceless
*Dog puts cupcake on my nose and tells me to “stay”
[parent-teacher conference] *tries to quietly open a can of beer*
Being single gives me time to focus on other things like getting fat
the first episode of house of the dragon focusses on the dragon applying for a mortgage
[Calling guy I met in bar in ’91]
Me: Remember you said “Call me any time?” Well, I could really use a sitter tonight.
I’ve been anticipating all his needs and trying to be more on time with all of his demands. I really hope my cat picks me for employee of the month this time.
“sorry you are currently offline” is my new go-to response when my family wants something
[inventing the turtle] put the worst dinosaur in an army helmet
Bad news world, my biker gang ‘The Sons Of Panicky’ are finally back out on the streets and oh my god the traffic is SO heavy, maybe we should go back and try again tomorrow
when I was little, I always wanted to explore in my mom’s bedside table and she was horrified if I would even touch the drawer.
now I know it’s because that’s where women hide the good snacks
WD-40 doesn’t stop my joints from creaking, in case anyone else was considering this.
When my kids ask me anything before coffee
![]()
Don’t tell your friend you like her sweater unless you mean it; she might knit you one.
My client sent an email that read, “…and then he said why don’t you myofb!”
Yes, I had to google that.
Yes, I will be using that in the future as frequently as possible. Myofb.
Wife: Hi, did you eat?
Me: Did you eat?
Wife: Are you copying me?
Me: Are you copying me?
Wife: I love you!
Me: Yes, I already ate