@LindseyEllison2

Woah! I can move stuff with my mind. Like, my legs.

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@Donna_McCoy

You think a person loves you and then they up and bring a grocery store cake to your birthday party.

@Reel2Dialog2

Dear woman I saw jog down a busy street, run into a liquor store, buy two bottles of wine, and then jog back home,

Come back to me.

@Kyle_Raney

“This won’t end well, mark my words.
Mark, my words.
MARK.
MY WORDS! I NEED MY WORDS, MARK!!!”

*Mark sweatily fumbles with the script*

@OneFunnyMummy

I don’t homeschool my kids cause the only historic battle I know is the one between Biggie and Tupac.

@__candypants

Thank God the conventions are over because now we can get back to the real issues: FOOTBALL.

@Smooheed

I sneezed so many times I can now hear the color blue

@Bob_Janke

If your BF wears a gold necklace outside of his tshirt both of you will be asked to get out of your car by the police at gunpoint some day