The story of the Titanic speaks to me because I once tripped over a bag of ice at a party & then killed over 1,500 people.
Working on a new catchphrase. I’m workshopping “That really butters my baboon!” and “THAT’ll put a meatloaf in your mailbox!”
They’re testing equally well (nobody likes them)
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RIDDLER: What has–
BATMAN: A gazebo
RIDDLER: Let me finish-
BM: A paperweight
R: Dental floss
RIDDLER: I hate you guys
If we got paid for how many tweets we put out, some of you would be millionaires in mansions.
I’d be living in Government Assisted Housing.
I have a sixth sense of humor. I laugh at dead people.
Mermaids are a lot less sexy when their top half’s the fish part.
*rubs magic lamp, genie appears*
“You get 2 wishes.”
I wish I got 3 wishes.
“Your wish is granted.”
“You have 2 left.”
I just owned you for three seconds. Possibly five if you’re a slow reader. Up to ten if you read this again.
Sometimes my stomach will make a noise and my brain will be like ok I never signed off on that
People who say I tend to give up too fast on things should- eh, know what, never mind.
Before I had a kid I thought, god, I wish I could say “please put your shoes on” 17,000 times every morning.
My dreams have come true.