Wow bro, that pot leaf tattoo on your neck really makes the colors of your Burger King uniform pop.
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honey, i think the milk’s gone bad
“i only bought it yesterday”
yeah well, look at this..
*milk is running a meth lab in the fridge*
BEN CARSON: On the news I saw a portal to another dimension open & robots came out, we need to stop that
MODERATOR:That was The Avengers sir
It’s not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
You grab a lizard by the tail and those fuckers will just hit the “detach” switch and book it. If peoples legs did that, we’d be fucked.
You can only push me so far before I breakdance.
I think Argentina is quite capable of deciding who it wants to cry for. Stop being so bossy Eva.
[goes to sign up for course on how to handle bad news better]
“sorry, we’re full”
[lights myself on fire]
firemen keep harvesting my cat tree
I fell asleep at 3:45. My 5yo woke up at 6:30.
Use protection, young people.