@HotBitHoran
@BadMikeyBad The scariest sound is an unknown crash followed by my 9 year old yelling “It’s OK! There’s nothing wrong! You don’t need to come up here”
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@BadMikeyBad 
@mcdadstuff Moth = Daughter.
Flame = Me, on a work video call.
@lilooet If someone has a second baby, tell them it is better than the last one.
@GuyThe_Guy This LSD may be taking a turn, but I think this pony rabbit is a piece of shit insurance salesman.
@dubstep4dads if you watch the titanic backwards hundreds of disgusting sea zombies come together as a community and rebuild an old ship
@oldfriend99 The Queen is crazy if she thinks I’m going to wait until February
@protolalia If I were Jesus I would be seriously spooked by all the buildings with giant crosses.
@UncleDuke1969 ME: What’s in the bag?
FRIEND: A bicycle helmet for my kid.
ME: When I was a kid, we didn’t wear helmets, and we turned out just fine.
FRIEND: Well, you know-
ME: When I was a kid, we didn’t wear helmets, and we turned out just fine.
FRIEND: …
ME: What’s in the bag?
@Shade510 * has cake for breakfast
* can’t finish afternoon run/calls an Uber
* blames running shoes
@Jo_Caulfield Start the year as you intend to continue.
