@Author_jo_jo

Writing without pants on is a simple pleasure.

Shame I can’t go back to Starbucks though.

You Might Also Like

@champagngetaway

FYI fellas: if u wake up with some chick and u can’t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They’ll write her name on the cup for ya!

@shadygrenade

“Kids, grandma just had hip surgery so I need to warn you, she’s not herself.”
*grandma struts in wearing skinny jeans and smoking an E-cig*

@murrman5

why does mommy cry when she cuts onions?
“she feels guilty cuz she stole them. see *lifts son onto lap* your mother likes to steal onions”

@ManJuggs

If I ever go to prison,
I’m gonna make damn sure everyone knows my street name: Butthole Teeth.

@RiotGrlErin

tums is missing out on selling pumpkin spice flavored antacid and calling it autums.

@GuyThe_Guy

“Is there a Mr. Fields?” I say to my twelfth cookie, all the while knowing she’s all mine.

@Browtweaten

me: why do you think my parents don’t love me

therapist: they’re pretty clear about it in the group chat

me: the what

@Try2StopME

*pours a bucket of water into the ocean*

You’re free now

@JaymayAllDay

You know what celebrity they should get for Dancing With the Stars? That plastic bag from American Beauty.