Mermaid: I lay the eggs
Merman: and I fertilize them
Meredith: I’m Edith, I like to watch
yeah i ate the last 10 donuts, i don’t like a cluttered counter
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“Sir, this is the police, open the door immediately”
“But I’m having a poo”
“We know sir, the phone box has glass sides”
One drink, I feel glamorous
Two, I get amorous
Three, a bit stammerous
Anymore than four, I’m on the floor,
all drooly and hammerous
I feel bad for women who say finding true love is the best experience in life. They’ve obviously never found their bra size on clearance.
Chips are not only delicious, but if you crunch them loud enough you can’t hear your children anymore.
If uneven eyeliner ever becomes a trend, I am golden.
It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside…
I’m surprised the sloths made it to the ark in time.
Call Me crazy, but the ideal number of times a Pope should have once been a member of the Nazi Youth is zero.
My mom just asked me if the yams are organic like she didn’t raise me on penicillin steroid cow meat and food coloring