Imagine me naked.
yeah i got a gym membership. its called life. watch me lift this big ass rock. now im gonna do 20 reps of pretending im a beautiful bird
You Might Also Like
You can’t swing a dead cat without hitting someone crazy here!
Of course, if you’re swinging a dead cat you probably shouldn’t be so judgy.
You think your day was bad? I just had a 15 minute long argument with a couch cushion.
Accidentally walked into the women’s bathroom, went ahead and peed sitting down so it wouldn’t be awkward for anyone.
Last Christmas I gave you my heart but the very next day, you gave it away.
This year….you’re getting fruitcake.
Jurassic Park III on AMC. 10 min. in, 2 young scientists studying dinosaur fossils. FOSSILS. Hey, ‘member how THERE ARE ALIVE DINOSAURS NOW?
3 reasons why you need to accept we men are mature.
No 1. We know what upsets you.
Hahahahahaha… I said “number 2”
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
At this point the virus has more names than a guy hiding from his wife on twitter.
Me: Do you have any dreams?
Him:…I’m running on a giant hamster wheel and a squirrel wearing a tuxedo comes…
Me: ASPIRATIONS YOU IDIOT