You wanna hot body?
You wanna Bugatti?
You wanna Maseratti?
Then this is an intervention you NEED to stop listening to Britney Spears.
Yes, I absolutely want to hear about your cat’s medication.
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An Optimist sees the glass as half-full.
A PEZimist fills it with candy.
Thanksgiving prep with mom is great for my self esteem:
Why aren’t you helping me??
*starts to help*
You’re doing it wrong! Let me do it!
*pulls away from kissing*
JUDGE: That was unexpected and kind of nice, but you’re still guilty.
Ladies, if all he does is make you cry then maybe you’re dating an onion and not a man.
What if life on Earth is just a video game for gods, and my guy has the crappy controller?
[be cool, just dont let her know youre a 1st generation PS3]
so where do y-
*internal cooling fan drowns out entire conversation*
Has there been a movie made about giant killer candy corn yet? If not, I feel like there needs to be.
HIM: What are you doing?
ME: Hiding some more money in the couch. Can’t trust the banks you know.
HIM: How much is in there?
*Throws up some gang signs*
*stabs self in eye with salad fork*
Hubs: Next time you do the Macarena, put your fork down.