@AmazingPhil My cousins baby child keeps pointing at me and saying ‘cat’
@carlawh Yes, I DO think “did you bring my pizza?” is an acceptable answer when you’re in a public bathroom and someone knocks on the door.
You Might Also Like
@AmazingPhil 
@AsgardianRose Every kiss begins with ‘K’ I whisper quietly to myself as I read his one letter response to my last 7 text messages.
@karanbirtinna If you think you’re stupid, little red riding hood thought a wolf wearing women’s clothing was her grandma.
@SweatyGardener True story:
I once went on a date and for some reason started talking about dolphins mating. I never saw her again.
@Miss__Kitty__ Husband opening his new radar detector…
Me- want me to run by really fast?
Him- what? No, that’s not how this works.
Me- *runs by entrance to kitchen*
@TheHyyyype When you drive, be careful to look out for bikes. Sometimes they’re unchained so you can pull over and just take them.
@julcasagrande It’s easier for me to bite than my dogs, my neighbors finally get it
@suntzufuntzu bewitching sea ghost seeks unwary sailor for fulfillment of ancient curse, maybe more
@TheAlexNevil “This was the only way I could speak with you in private. That human woman? She’s trying to kill you.”
@hipchkk Packing my daughter’s prom kit…lip gloss, stun gun, pepper spray, switchblade, and I’ve uploaded all 5 seasons of Teen Mom to her iPhone.