@iamspacegirl

You can create your own organic, totally biodegradable mask by walking face-first through a series of spider webs every morning.

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@Love_bug1016

The person who is your first and last thought of the day is either the one who has your heart, or who’s murder you’re secretly plotting.

@Gupton68

even the youngest member of The Breakfast Club is now 53, so it’s less ‘don’t you forget about me’ and more ‘I don’t remember why I came into the room’

@kevinthedad

I was pretty frustrated when my 5yo kept calling me an “old man” until he clarified that being old meant that I was 20

@Laser_Cat

The British are coming! The British are coming! The British have to get up early! The British swear they’ll call you in the morning!

@SteveKoehler22

The NFL has hired their first female referee.

She will throw flags for penalties the teams
committed 5 years ago.

@ValeeGrrl

My daughter spelled America “Merica” on a book report so now I’m searching her room for Trump campaign propaganda.

@AnkCoupleTO

I’m trying to convince this guy that ‘jesus is the reason for the season’ but loansharks have a different perspective

@FSUSteve

Never underestimate what a woman will do for love.