@ColoradoUgly
@jctwritesstuff *walks past yoga studio*
*looks in window*
*eyes widen*Awesome. It’s like kindergarten.
*walks into class*
*unrolls mat*
*takes a nap*
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@jctwritesstuff 
@NickBossRoss Fight fire with water. Idiots.
@beefman138 What’s your stance on public intoxication?
Mine is very wobbly.
@djdarrellripley Her: You have a cigarette machine in your kitchen?
Me: Well it would look ridiculous in the living room…
@Token_Geezer The morning after pill, but for tweets
@Beatonm5 skippin the intro of a game and then realizin you have no idea what the objectives are just walking round aimlessly hoping something pops up
@ohhelloitsmax She says talking to me is like talking to a kid.
Therapist: And how many years has this been going on?
*holds up 6 fingers* This many
@VerifiedDrunk Jill on Facebook is trying to find a way to get cat diarrhea out of suede boots and I don’t think I’m hungry for lunch anymore. .
@Godhatespants Him: drink?
Me: I have a boyfriend
Him: I have a goldfish
Me: What???
Him: I thought we were talking about shit that don’t matter
@daemonic3 [shark tank]
“Hi, what’s your product idea?”
Product? [holding bucket of live fish] I’m here to see the tank of sh-… I’ve made a mistake